I’m grateful to be growing up in a family of followers of Jesus, right here at Watermark. At seven years old, I went to a Christian summer camp and gave my life to Christ, but I didn’t really understand the depths of walking with him.
When I was little, I was fun and talkative and had so many friends, but when I got to middle school, I started feeling different. Because of my personality and how people perceived me, I couldn’t accept it as anxiety. I kept it to myself, but felt like I was starting to lose who I was. I was the fun, outgoing girl, and suddenly didn’t feel like that anymore.
I felt like I couldn’t live up to the expectations of those around me and started seeking attention in other ways. I started putting a lot of my identity in other things, like friendships and what boys thought of me.
In early high school, I wasn’t honest with my parents about the choices I was making, and that didn’t serve me well. The impact of friendships failing, dishonesty with my parents, school grades dropping, and how I was already feeling about myself left me feeling anxious and empty. These feelings had physical effects, too: I often was nauseous, had to leave class early, and would cry throughout the school day. I felt like anxiety ruled my life completely. I thought I would never be able to break the pattern.
I didn’t feel convicted about my choices before because I was so distant in my relationship with the Lord. I believed the lie that I had control of my life and my choices, so while it was painful, I thought I had a handle on everything.
Through conversations with my parents, I felt deeply convicted. What happened to me? How did I get this far away? How did I go so far in my sin?
My parents met me with so much grace. I am so thankful for them. That summer was really lonely for me, but my parents and my small group leaders carried me through. They reminded me that change comes only from the Lord, and the only way I’ll ever be free from my sin is by bringing it to him.
God had greater plans for me.
Over time, the Lord matured and strengthened me through his Word, my family, and both new and restored friendships. He has been so perfect in his timing and who he puts in my path. I see that the Lord is so intentional with the people he puts in our lives. He’s intentional even with what he allows us to walk through because he’s going to use it all for his glory.
Through life change, friendships shifting, and just growing up, God has used all of it to teach me about himself. I had put my identity in other things, but when those idols were taken away, I was humbled and forced to grow.
As the years have passed, I have learned to have hard conversations and lean into conflict. I have learned to face problems with humility instead of defensiveness. Scripture reminds me that I can trust God with anything. It reminds me that he holds all things in his hands. We don’t have to worry or be anxious when things don’t go exactly the way we want—because they often won’t. He is a just and merciful God, and he will take care of what needs to be taken care of.
Moving toward healing and reconciliation is nothing I could have done on my own. But God’s grace really does abound, and it really is free.
Before, I was selfish, hopeless, and destructive, but God revealed his truth and changed my heart, and now I’m excited and full of purpose. I feel like the Lord is constantly calling me to be a light to others. God is showing me that I will have so many opportunities to tell people about how I pursued temporary pleasures but found real freedom through dependence on him. Now, as I step into a new season after high school and into college, I pray that the Lord uses my story to encourage people and help them find the same freedom in him.
Watermark Students offers Wake (grades 6-8) and Shoreline (grades 9-12) for students to be known and accepted, taught about Jesus, and challenged to grow. Learn more about how Watermark is discipling future generations to follow Jesus and be the church.